Should you only Honor your Mother and Father if they are good parents? What does Honor look like? Those are the questions I answer in this video!
As the proverb goes you can be a wise woman and build up your house or a foolish woman and tear it down with your own hands. In this video I talk more about what it looks like to be a foolish woman
Your kids do in fact hear you! When you get instructions, what you or what you speak over them. You may feel like the don’t listen but when they are faced with situations your voice will be in their head leading them in the choices they make. Esther was raised by Mordecia and even when He wasn’t around she still heard his voice in her head.
Devotion: Problems When You Don’t Discipline
Through out the Bible it takes about disciplining your children and when you don’t there will be problems. King David never ever disciplined one of his sons and because he didn’t there were consequences. Discipline is Love. And God loves us enough to discipline us and He can teach us how to discipline our own children.
1 Kings 1
What does that even look like to “Indirectly sin against God?” When we treat other people poorly or wrong them we not only sin against them but against God! Coming from Leviticus 6 when God said when you sin against him and are unfaithful to him it is because you treated others wrong!
I have been pretty stinkin excited to write this. My second time giving birth was so much more pleasant and easy than my first that I wanted to share with others what helped me the second time. So lets get started.
Now our story starts an hour or so after I gave birth to my first child. By the books there was no complications, everything went really smoothly. It was only 12 hours of labor with 45 minutes of pushing. But the pain! THE PAIN. I had felt very led by God to have an all natural birth, no intervention in any way. Yet I walked away feeling resentful that I had to go through such an ordeal and how painful it really was. As my husband and new sweet baby lay asleep next to me in the hospital room that night I started a conversation with God.
Me- “Daddy I never want to have another child again! EVER. I am devastated by what just happened.”
God –“You better look up the word Devastated because you are no where near what that word means.” I looked it up and it was true I had to re-evaluate and say okay it was the worst experience ever, so unprepared for how much pain there would be.
Me – “Fine I am not devastated but I never want to have another child again.”
God – “You WILL have two more”
Me – “Fine but I am going to take drugs next time.”
God – “No you will do them all natural as well.” I rebuttal and had to end the conversation and pick it back up with God the next day. But as always he won the disagreement
A year or more later I was pregnant with baby number 2. I was upset I had to go through this all over again. Though I wanted the other two children God had shown me I did not want to go through pregnancy and labor all over again. I began to pray and ask God for an easier delivery. For an easier labor.
About 3 or 4 months into pregnancy I came across a friends blog entry of her birth story. Jennifer had just given birth to her 3rd child and wrote the whole story down. There was one phrase that popped off the page at me “Breathe out Method” I was confused. That phrase was said at the part where she should have been pushing but instead she “breathed out”? What does that mean? I contacted her and started researching online. Come to find out instead of pushing or bearing down there is a technique where you breathe out in the place of pushing. It helps the baby come out more easy and you are not tensing up your body. But as your body pushes on it’s own you are assisting it with a certain kind of breathing out. For some reason reading an article about it excited me. I tried to shake off the idea and excitement but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone.
The article said to practice when pooping. Instead of pushing, you relax your jaw, have the sound Ahhhhhh come out of your mouth and breathe out your poop . . . seriously? Seriously? But you know me I had to try it. First time I tried it I thought it was so stupid and ending up pushing. I said well I guess that method isn’t for me. But the thought of breathing out never left me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I love the Lord and how He works. Looking back I see God nudging me over and over and over again.
I talked about it with my Dr who said he had only read about it. I laughed it off but couldn’t put it out of my mind. Finally a couple months later I tried it again. And you know what IT STINKIN WORKED! POOPING AND BREATHING OUT was AMAZING! I started to tell everyone about it. To the point some of my friends tried it just to have an easier poop. BAH-HAHAHAH. NO really they did. A couple of them came up to me privately and said they had to try it for themselves and it was amazing. Never going back to the pushing poop out again. Hahahaha
So then I made it a challenge, even a game you could say. What could I learn with each poop using the breathe out method. I had four months to practice and I felt the more I practiced the more the Lord was encouraging me that this was the method He wanted me to use for labor and delivery.
I ended up talking to my dr again and said I wanted to “try” the breathe out method. I love my dr. He is so on board with new stuff and said it was my body and we would do it unless an emergency came up. That was encouraging! So my dr was on board. I got my other teammates (my friend who is a nurse who was going to be there, my doula, and my husband) for the labor and delivery on board (which wasn’t hard they were game from the get go).
Then God sends me my friend to come visit, Janna. She asked me how I was feeling about going a second time around. I told her I was nervous but brought up the breathe out method. She said she did the breathe out method and even read about it in a book. She said her first birth was horrible and her second one she barely felt pain. It was such a turn around experience for her and wanted to encourage anyone she could about a book she read that instructed about the breathe out method and other methods to help with the pain. I mean come on. No one else I talked to heard about this method and now God sent me Janna just when I needed her.
She ended up sending me the book. Which I hate the title and don’t really like the first part of the book but smack dag in the middle of it was, guess what “Breathe Out Method” Not only that but it went it into more details that I had been looking for on more of the How-To’s and even had a section on nearly the same breathing technique for every contraction not just the delivery part. It said to breathe out and relax with every contraction, by relaxing it would help the baby come out easier and more quickly. The Book was exactly what I needed.
Then one day the Lord shared three things about labor that helped me.
1) Pooping and Getting a baby out uses the same method it is just a different hole with a different product so by practicing breathing out with pooping I was truly practicing breathing out my baby (which relieved me because I would think about once a week, is all this practice really going to help me once the day comes)
2) The more relaxed I am the less pain and quicker the baby will come out. When You are clenched and tense you are fighting against the baby coming. By relaxing my jaw, my neck, my shoulders and not pushing (tensing up) it is less painful and easier for the baby to come out. To practice being relaxed.
3) Contractions are pushing the baby from the top down. The top of the uterus gets really hard and the bottom of it gets really soft to help push the baby out. By breathing with the contractions I am assisting my body and pushing the baby out even more. SO STINKIN COOL RIGHT.
GAME DAY. BABY IS COMING!!!!
Wednesday came and I woke up with contractions. I had contractions every 10 to 30 minutes. Come to find out that is just my body warming up for the real deal. AAAAAAHHHHHHGGGGGGG But it didn’t mean she was coming that day or the next, that it could last for days or even weeks I had read. By the time I went to bed they were still coming every 30 or so minutes. I decided I needed sleep and rest so I made myself go to sleep. 4 hours later my body said IT IS TIME! Get up Get UP GET UP! I was hoping I could sleep longer but the contractions started coming every 5 minutes. I took a bath hoping they would slow down and I could go back to bed but they didn’t. I told Joel it was time. So he started timing. They started to come every 3 to 5 minutes and last for at least a minute. Then they started to come every 2 minutes. I was doing toilet torture to help the process by sitting back wards on the toilet which opens the hips, and uses gravity to bring the baby quicker. Usually you just use that method WHEN contracting but it got to the point that any time I got off the toilet I would contract so I ended up sitting backwards on a toilet for most of the 3 hours I labored at home. Finally we called my sister to come over. Then we called Pam my friend who is an OB nurse at the hospital since we wanted her with us to help bring our baby in the world. Then we called my doula Morgan who is my super good friend.
4 am we pretty much all met at the hospital at the same time. Pam checked me and I was 6 cm dilated. Which ehhh I wanted to be 7 but mostly 8cm when I got to the hospital. So I wasn’t the happiest but whatever! I did the toilet torture a bit longer but I was sick of being on the toilet. Then got in the tub but that slowed my contractions down. Morgan being amazing said if you stand up the baby will come quicker so for the next 3 or so hours after that I stood for almost every contraction. The last hour I was so tired and shaking so bad Joel had to hold me up every time I contracted which by the end they were coming back to back to back to back.
Now the breathe out method: Now with every contraction I was breathing out. So like breathing in for 8 seconds and breathing out for 10 (not that I counted but you get the point) The book Janna gave me said to visualize. So I visualized as I breathed out not only it helping the baby go down further but I visualized the pain being pushed out. And for most of the labor, the pain went away or went to a level 1. I mean seriously are you serious. That is amazing for contractions. It wasn’t until I got to the transition phase that I couldn’t push all the pain out. Though I still breathed out my husband would push with one hand on my lower back and it helped with the pain. There was only one time I lost concentration during a contraction and pain came making it feel 5 times more painful. All the memories of my first birth came back to me and I thought “This is why the first was so bad. This is how much pain I felt.” It was crazy the breathe out method during contractions cut the pain at least in half if not much much more.
With my first birth I wanted the epidural so bad I begged God 4 times to changed his mind and he DID NOT!!! This time I didn’t even want an epidural. I thought “oh it would be ‘nice’” But I didn’t really really want it. IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING ALL NATURAL YOU NEED TO CONSIDER THE BREATHE OUT METHOD!!! SO AMAZING!
So then I remember having Pam check me and I was at a 9cm and was instructed not to push. Not long after that my body started pushing on its own and I felt my baby start to come. I started to yell, “She’s coming she’s coming” Now I was standing. Pam kneeled right under me and said “She’s crowning! She’s Crowing.” Then said to me “DO NOT PUSH! I don’t not want to deliver a baby for the first time on the ground. Get the Dr. GET THE DR.” My dr was making rounds in the hospital. Pam had never delivered a baby by herself nor did she want her first time to be from that angle.
My nephew had shown up and was in the hallway. With all the commotion my sister wanted to go out there and make sure he knew everything was okay and it was just a lot of commotion. And to see if she could see the dr. As she went out my dr came around the corner of the hallway and asked my sister jokingly should I run. She said yes. And he made 4 joking strides to the door but when He got inside saw what was going on ran over to me and went to his knees. We laugh every time we tell the story of him making 4 joking strides not realizing I was about to give birth standing up. LOL
Now I didn’t know it but Pam told me later he was going to let me give birth standing because I refused to get on the bed at first. I kept saying NO because lying down was so much more painful than standing. As he was under me I felt the urge to push but remembered one of the articles I read that it is mind over matter. That you have to tell yourself to breathe out because it feels so natural to push. I decided right there in my head there would be no pushing. Just breathing out as God had put on my heart to do all these months.
The dr. said to me you need to get on the bed. I said NO! He then had 4 people pick me up and put me on the bed. I remember feeling a contraction come and thinking oh that is my cue to breathe out. It only took 3 contractions and 5 minutes later and my sweet baby was out. So easy. So relaxed WITH PAIN of course but not the pain I felt the first time around. It was incredible.
As soon as it was over it was like I snapped out of it and was so alert and aware of everything going around me. With the first one I was out of it. I remember my whole family coming in to see the baby and I kept telling myself to act normal, look at them when they talked to me, nod when they said something. Because I couldn’t focus, I could barely hear or understand what they were saying I was so out of it. This time I was awake, alert, could have a conversation. It was amazing.
I felt overwhelmed by God’s love for me. At one point during pregnancy God had told me that I had been praying for an easier birth and He was answering my prayers through the “breathe out method” little did I know just how much easier he was making it for me. So 8 hours of labor and 5 minutes of “breathing out” And so much less pain!
My dr was pretty impressed with how well the breathe out method worked. Pam was super impressed even said I should teach at class. I said I would give her the book for her to teach. Hahahaha
But seriously If you are considering going all natural you need to consider doing the breathe out method. It is a game changer. After the second birth I was super encouraged and even excited to go through it one more time which before I was upset, resentful, and dreading giving birth after the first time.
It seriously, like I said, cut my pain at least in half but I believe so much more. Yes in transition stage and towards the end there was a lot of pain that could not be breathed out but not nearly as much if I had not been breathing out through every contraction.
As you have read I am a Christian and the book Janna gave me I do not like the title or some of the techniques (NOR DOES SHE ;)) but if you are interested the book is Hypnobirthing. It talks about Hypnotizing yourself. Which I do not agree with AT ALL but the breathe out method is not hypnotizing it is just relaxing and breathing out. And the book describes it perfectly and the breathing out during contractions.
So that is my story. I feel so humbled by God through the whole ordeal. There were so many more things God did through the whole pregnancy, labor, and delivery but I just wanted to focus on the Breathe Out method. Man I am so blessed God brought it to my attention and didn’t stop nudging me about it. And brought amazing people in my life to teach me and get me through it. I am so blessed by His love for me!
It’s hard being a wife and a mother. It is hard having a career and doing daily activities. But even more for Kelli having her husband risk his life every day for the sake of others can wear on you. Listen to Kelli’s testimony of how God helps her not to be overwhelmed by the day ins and outs of life.
Every year my church puts on one of the most phenomenal women’s retreat. Women are healed emotionally and physically. There are those that give their lives to Christ. And even some that come out of bondage of depression, anxiety, emotional turmoils or other mental battles. This year I was asked to video and edit 7 testimonies of women giving a story on how they had faith to trust God in their circumstance. Each of the women’s stories were so different but so powerful.
Here is my friend Shallan:Shallan longed to bear children. Her husband and her tried and tried but never conceived. Listen to Shallan’s testimony as she tells the process of giving God her deepest most longing and what God did in her heart.
Parenting is not easy. We all know this, we hear people say it all the time. Yet one cannot really know the full weight of it until you actually are a parent whether with your own kids or someone else’s child. But can I tell you it can be easier. No really, it can. I am not talking about smooth sailing with nothing ever going wrong. I am talking easier when it comes to training and raising your child. I have a tip for you that might just be a game changer.
People say all the time there is no instructions manual to raising your children. That is partly true: life, the doctor who help bring your child in the world, or your child will never hand you an instruction manual BUT God has the instruction manual. I am not talking about general instructions I am talking knowing the character of your child, the purpose your child came to this earth, and how to raise them accordingly. God was the one that designed your child inside and out. He is the one that gave that child to you. He put in them there unique personality: extrovert, introvert, joyful, temper, on the go, sits still for a long period of time, athletic, smart, funny, serious, cuddler, etc. The list goes on and on. God also chose the calling or purpose of the child’s life. He chose what they would be good at or what they would love to do as a career for the rest of their lives. We as parents are supposed to seek God in how to raise them and gently/lovingly point them in the direction He chose for them.
I bring up the question all the time to people what if Obama’s parents knew he was one day going to be president, what would they have done different. Would they have put him in speech class, would they have brought articles home on politics, would they have given him a different perspective of the world, would they have encouraged him to take economics. Would they have recognized his leadership skills at a younger age and tried to cultivate it and not squash it? (Not that they squashed it, it is just an example)
The Lord for me has given me different tid bits here and there about all three of my children’s personality and calling. I only have one at the moment but He has spoken very clearly about three. With my first born He told me that Social Injustice will be his calling. I said, “Okay Lord I will make sure make sure I am aware of the social injustice in the US so I can share with Gabriel what is going on so.” God said not just the US Dess but social injustice in the world. WOW! I have to for myself seek out what is going on around the world when it comes to injustice so I can share that with Gabriel. To cultivate that which is already inside of him. To bring articles from media to him. To talk about what is right and wrong when it comes to how people are treated. To be aware that it will be his passion and calling to do something about it one day, how ever that looks. God also showed me He would have a temper in which I replied, “Not problem God I will take care of it” Meaning I will squash it for you. God said no I don’t want you to squash it. He showed me what would happen if I squashed his temper. I saw Gabriel at the age of 20 sitting in a court room like setting with social injustice happening in front of him. He put his hands behind his head and his feet on the desk in front of him and did not act on it. If I squashed Gabriel’s temper he would not act on Social Injustice the way God wanted. God then explained He wanted me to teach Gabriel how to properly use his anger to fuel him to help others. WOW!!!!
With my second child who is not born yet He has shown me that she will be stubborn, and quiet but if I could describe her in one word that word would be Love. That she will go to the darkest corners, gutters, alley ways of the world and pull people from horrible situations. That she will love greater than I ever have. That I must teach her to love everyone both in words and action.
My third child God hasn’t told me too much about but God’s one phrase to describe him would be “The Fun Side of God” I saw him at one point as a comedian making people laugh, to give them relief for a brief moment from their hard lives. Joyful heart is medicine for the soul.
Do you see by finding out who God created them to be and the calling that it makes my life a lot easier. When Gabriel throws a tantrum in rage I have the grace to see that I am to help him hone that into something healthy. That when my second child gives her shoes to a person in need for the umpteenth time that I don’t get frustrated but I recognize she motivated by love. Or when my third child is trying to be funny when it is not a funny situation at all, to be patient and help him see there is a time to laugh and a time to cry.
I love this scripture about children:
3Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.
God was showing me with the scripture that children are the arrows but we the parents are the shooters. I saw a vision of me as an archer. With my arrow cocked ready to shoot. God was standing right behind me directing me which way to shoot them. “A little to the left, up, almost there. Awww just right. SHOOT!” To help point them in the way the Lord leads us to. Will the child say yes every time to the direction we are shooting them in, no but it is our job to point them in the direction the Lord tells us to.
You need to be spending quiet time daily with the Lord. To not only to receive instructions from Him about your children but for guidance, healing, and deliverance for you. It is so important that the Lord comes first in our lives in everything we do and say. In every decision we make, in how to raise our children. He longs to spend time with you and pour into you all that He has for you, your family, and life. He will let you know, you just have to seek him. I have a youtube channel where I talked about hearing from the Lord and recognizing with he speaks. If you haven’t seen them go to my channel to watch them. They will help you with how to spend time with the Lord and will help you to hear from God. http://www.youtube.com/c/DessButler
It is so important that we ask God how to raise our children. He is our instruction manual. He knows how to raise your children, how to discipline each one, why they are acting in a certain way. He knows everything about your children. It is never to late no matter how old your child is to seek the Lord about them. He is waiting to tell you!
This is it! The grand finale! Part 3 of Godly Parenting with Morgan. I think this last one was my favorite out of the 3. If you didn’t see 1 or 2 I would highly recommend seeing them. Such great information from my friend who has allowed God to teach her over the years. What a blessing.