Struggling with My Weight

I have struggled with weight my whole life. And it was only when Jesus got a hold of me that I began the long road to recovery.  In this video I talk about the truth that has set me free and what Jesus says about you too:  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are good enough. And your value is priceless.


Washing Feet

Either in church or when we read the Bible we have washing feet in basin 1been exposed to the story when Jesus washed the disciples feet. Jesus came not only to save the world but to serve people.  Washing the disciples feet was symbolic of his servant-hood to man.  As the story is played out you may start to think, “That is great Jesus thanks for pointing that out to us. Really enjoyed the demonstration” but then He says,”Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” – John 13:14-15 (NIV) WHAT?!?  Are you serious?

When Jesus tells you to do something it is a must, not a option. So then what does washing other people’s feet look like.  Do I go around to everyone I know and ask them to wash their feet.  Should we have a service just for washing one another’s feet?  What if they don’t want their foot washed. Is this literal or symbolic? And on and on the questions come in my mind.  I kind of left it alone to be honest. I did attend a service once where we washed each other’s feet but it didn’t seem like we fulfilled what Jesus was telling us to do. It actually felt pretty awkward.

It wasn’t until I was spending time with the Lord recently that it all made sense.  I had been having difficulty in a relationship. I didn’t know how to resolve it. I didn’t know which way to go and it felt like there was nothing I could really do to fix it.  I went to God one morning about it, to seek His council and advice.  I sat on God’s lap and asked Him what should I do? He popped up my friend next to me on His lap and started telling me how broken the person was.  I felt this urge to wash their feet.  The person and I were all of a sudden on the ground. They were sitting in a chair and I was at their feet with a basin and cloth in my hand.  I felt joy overflowing in me with each scrub.  I went from their calves to their ankles to their toes. I saw their toe nails were long, chipped, and unkept.  I felt the need to clip and file each one down to the proper size, so I did. The joy that filled my heart washed over my whole body.  I began to feel a love that had been buried deep in my heart for this person. I longed to do whatever it took to love on them.

In that moment of longing God transported me from washing their feet to me standing and watching different scenarios that happened in the person’s life that damaged them that no one else really knew about. The Lord had me pray healing, deliverance, truth every time He popped a different situation up.  Each circumstance needed a different prayer.

When it was all done I felt something had changed. I sensed a healing happen in their heart.  And it clicked in my head that by me praying for them and loving on them I was washing their feet. I was serving them.  The unkept nails was their brokenness and lack of knowledge on how to take care of themselves inwardly.  The feet represented what the world did not see because feet are hidden by shoes.  Or in this case it was situations that happened in the person life that left them broken (which the world could not see) and unable to know how to heal inwardly (which was represented by the lack of care for their toe nails).  God used my prayers to start the healing process.  WOW!!!!

I finally learned what washing feet really look like.  It is serving one another in love.  That can look like praying for someone. It can look like when you are grocery shopping getting an extra of everything you buy and giving it to someone in need. It can be driving someone to the store who cannot go on their own. It can look like taking a friends child to school or after-school activities. It can be making a meal for some one who is busy or just had a baby or whatever.  Washing people’s feet is truly being a servant to those around you.  In my case it was praying healing for a friend who is hurting and broken and needing restoration. It really is that simple.

Jesus is our greatest example of how to love our neighbor as ourselves.  King Jesus didn’t come to the earth to be served (which He totally could have done) he came to give his life as a ransom for many and to serve.  He is asking us: to love God with all our heart and to love our neighbor as ourselves.  To serve God and serve those around us.

So now I ask you whose feet do you need to wash?



Joy in Obedience

I have written in the past about my struggles with fear.  That I had fear as a little girl and it has stayed with me into my adulthood. That when we were robbed 2 years ago it grew the fear in me exponentially.  (You can read more about my struggles with fear in this blog I wrote: Though I am on the road to victory  over my fears it is still a long and treacherous road.

Two weeks ago I was wrestling with fear in a very paralyzing way.  Close to us there were two guys in a car that a police officer tried to pullover.  The gentlemen decided it would be best to try and get away from the cop than be pulled over.  As the car chase proceeded one of the gentlemen started shooting at the cop car. More police got involved and followed them but the two men bailed out of the car and ran away on foot. Only one was found.  Because it was so near to where I leave I became very frightened. The “What if’s” started to pound down on my heart bringing terror.  What if they come this way, what if they know I am alone, what if I have to defend myself and little family.  What if what if what if.  Such a bad place to be,right.

That same week Joel had to be gone late one night for a class assignment. I became even more stressed out to the point I wanted to throw up. It was just all too over whelming for me.  I didn’t go outside except to play ball with my dog on the porch. I didn’t go for walks any more behind my house. I let fear dictate me for days.  Finally I had to remember that my thoughts were not on the Lord at all. My eyes were roaming every where by on Jesus.  I had to start taking those fear driven thoughts captive so I could hear the Lord more clearly.  When I did the results were mind blowing.

As I started to focus on Jesus more I could finally hear him and what He had for me.  First He let me know He was with me. That I was not alone.  That He had my back, front, side, and other side.  That swept peace over me.  As I began to calm down after days of sickening terror He started to give me instructions.  “Now I want you to go outside and play IN YOUR YARD with Jazz (our dog) and your boy”  Though I wasn’t 100% wanting to do this I knew that Jesus knew what was best for me. So I did.  And you know what it felt like a chunk of fear fell off of me.  So for a few days I would go in the yard and play.  I felt God’s joy slowly crawl back into my heart.

Then one morning I felt the Lord impress on my heart that He wanted me to take a walk with my dog and boy around the 4-wheeler path behind our house.  I didn’t want to but once again I recognized that 1) God would be with me and 2) He knew what was best for me. So out of sheer obedience I went.  And what to my wonder . . .  . I was walking and ran in to a gentlemen out in the woods.  Guess who it was . . . yep the guy running from the cops.  AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

JUST KIDDING!!! That never happened even though I thought it might.  Hahahahahaha.  NO no  Even more crazy I had this over flowing joy.  I even felt like I had conquered something astronomical.  Something like climbing Mount St. Helens or something.  You would have thought I won a gold metal in the Olympics with how good I felt and acted.  I had so much peace and joy that it was overflowing.

I realized once again that God knows what is best for us in EVERY SITUATION.  That when we obey the Lord, even when we don’t want it, He will supply us with peace and joy overflowing.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
-Romans 15:13

You have to know that God has an answer for everything you are facing.  When He tells you it will not be easy.  You may not even want to but if you trust Him and obey what He is prompting you to do you will not regret it!!!  I am so glad I choose to listen to the voice of God and go out side my house.  Because I did I had victory over my fear.  That is one more battle won in this war on fear.  I feel like a VICTOR!  joy

What is God telling you to do?



Parenting is not easy. We all know this, we hear people say it all the time.  Yet one cannot really know the full weight of it until you actually are a parent whether with your own kids or someone else’s child. But can I tell you it can be easier. No really, it can. I am not talking about smooth sailing with nothing ever going wrong. I am talking easier when it comes to training and raising your child. I have a tip for you that might just be a game changer.

People say all the time there is no instructions manual to raising your children. That is partly true: life, the doctor who help bring your child in the world, or your child will never hand you an instruction manual BUT God has the instruction manual. instcution manual.jpgI am not talking about general instructions I am talking knowing the character of your child, the purpose your child came to this earth, and how to raise them accordingly. God was the one that designed your child inside and out. He is the one that gave that child to you.  He put in them there unique personality: extrovert, introvert, joyful, temper, on the go, sits still for a long period of time, athletic, smart, funny, serious, cuddler, etc.  The list goes on and on.  God also chose the calling or purpose of the child’s life.  He chose what they would be good at or what they would love to do as a career for the rest of their lives.  We as parents are supposed to seek God in how to raise them and gently/lovingly point them in the direction He chose for them.

I bring up the question all the time to people what if Obama’s parents knew he was one day going to be president, what would they have done different.  Would they have put him in speech class, would they have brought articles home on politics, would they have given him a different perspective of the world, would they have encouraged him to take economics.  Would they have recognized his leadership skills at a younger age and tried to cultivate it and not squash it?  (Not that they squashed it, it is just an example)

The Lord for me has given me different tid bits here and there about all three of my children’s personality and calling.  I only have one at the moment but He has spoken very clearly about three.  With my first born He told me that Social Injustice will be his calling.  I said, “Okay Lord I will make sure make sure I am aware of the social injustice in the US so I can share with Gabriel what is going on so.” God said not just the US Dess but social injustice in the world.  WOW!  I have to for myself seek out what is going on around the world when it comes to injustice so I can share that with Gabriel.  To cultivate that which is already inside of him.  To bring articles from media to him.  To talk about what is right and wrong when it comes to how people are treated.  To be aware that it will be his passion and calling to do something about it one day, how ever that looks.  God also showed me He would have a temper in which I replied, “Not problem God I will take care of it” Meaning I will squash it for you.  God said no I don’t want you to squash it. He showed me what would happen if I squashed his temper.  I saw Gabriel at the age of 20 sitting in a court room like setting with social injustice happening in front of him.  He put his hands behind his head and his feet on the desk in front of him and did not act on it. If I squashed Gabriel’s temper he would not act on Social Injustice the way God wanted. God then explained He wanted me to teach Gabriel how to properly use his anger to fuel him to help others.  WOW!!!!

With my second child who is not born yet He has shown me that she will be stubborn, and quiet but if I could describe her in one word that word would be Love.  That she will go to the darkest corners, gutters, alley ways of the world and pull people from horrible situations.  That she will love greater than I ever have.  That I must teach her to love everyone both in words and action.

My third child God hasn’t told me too much about but God’s one phrase to describe him would be “The Fun Side of God”  I saw him at one point as a comedian making people laugh, to give them relief for a brief moment from their hard lives.  Joyful heart is medicine for the soul.

Do you see by finding out who God created them to be and the calling that it makes my life a lot easier.  When Gabriel throws a tantrum in rage I have the grace to see that I am to help him hone that into something healthy.  That when my second child gives her shoes to a person in need for the umpteenth time that I don’t get frustrated but I recognize she motivated by love.  Or when my third child is trying to be funny when it is not a funny situation at all, to be patient and help him see there is a time to laugh and a time to cry.

I love this scripture about children:

3Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.
-Psalm 127:8

God was showing me with the scripture that children are the arrows but we the parents are the shooters.  I saw a vision of me as an archer.  With my arrow cocked ready to shoot.  God was standing right behind me directing me which way to shoot them.  “A little to the left, up, almost there. Awww just right. SHOOT!”  To help point them in the way the Lord leads us to.  Will the child say yes every time to the direction we are shooting them in, no but it is our job to point them in the direction the Lord tells us to.

You need to be spending quiet time daily with the Lord.  To not only to receive instructions from Him about your children but for guidance, healing, and deliverance for you.  It is so important that the Lord comes first in our lives in everything we do and say.  In every decision we make, in how to raise our children. He longs to spend time with you and pour into you all that He has for you, your family, and life.  He will let you know, you just have to seek him.  I have a youtube channel where I talked about hearing from the Lord and recognizing with he speaks.  If you haven’t seen them go to my channel to watch them.  They will help you with how to spend time with the Lord and will help you to hear from God.

It is so important that we ask God how to raise our children.  He is our instruction manual. He knows how to raise your children, how to discipline each one, why they are acting in a certain way.  He knows everything about your children.  It is never to late no matter how old your child is to seek the Lord about them.  He is waiting to tell you!



Two Sides of The Spectrum in the World of Money

I have to admit for my whole adult life in the eyes of the world I have been poor.  But I knew that God had all the money in the world, that He owned everything, and everything we have happens to be on loan from Him.  I knew when I needed something God would provide and usually it was with product and not money.

I didn’t know that for the past 13 years of walking with the Lord that I began to have a fear of money.  Just recently the Lord showed me that I was afraid that if I ever got “lots” of money that I would turn away from God.  Scriptures like this fed into my fear of money :

Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” – Matthew 19:24 

There is no way I wanted to go to hell and want money over God.  So I kind of avoided it and only asked God for it when there was a major need like bills.

On every spectrum there are two exright left spectrumtremes.  Both extremes are unhealthy like being super skinny or being super fat.  Either one is not good for you.  Or Driving way too fast or driving way too slow, either way are dangerous.  It is the same with money.  To have the love of money is evil:

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
– 1 Timothy 6:10. 

What does the love of money look like.  Well it can be as subtle as always striving for a job that pays more, or working long hours to make more, or being cheap with gifts to people so you don’t have to spend your money.  Those are some subtle ways.  If you think about money all the time.  If every decision you make has to do with money, most likely you love money.  No good right!?!

Then there is the other side of the scale.  The side I camped out on.  The fear of money.  Where I only wanted enough to live on. I didn’t want an abundance at all. I was afraid that if Joel and I ever did get money that I would walk away from the Lord because I would feel secure and safe in it. Though I knew better, that money honestly doesn’t mean security from this scripture:

The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.
– Matthew 13:22

I had a poverty mindset when it came to money.  I was more the poverty gospel than the prosperity gospel.  Both extremes are bad!  During my time with the Lord as He was showing me this He revealed to me that I had made a vow of poverty.
I asked, “How Lord.” He showed me saying years ago, “I would never ask any one for money ever.”
God said, “That included Me as well.”  Joel and I made a vow that we felt God was putting on our heart to make that we would never let any one know our needs, that if God is all knowing, and if we seek the kingdom of God and righteousness first, and if we ask Him He would supply everything we needed. 

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”
– Matthew 6:33 (NLT) 

But in doing so I also made a vow on my own by saying “I will never ask any one for money EVER”  I didn’t realize I had added God to the equation.  So I had to repent and ask for forgiveness for telling God I would never ask Him for money. When I did I felt this lightness come on me.  Holy Spirit started to show me that in the past I could not even say the word money to God when I prayed.  It was true any time I asked God for “money” I would say God please provide the finances or provision we need.  The vow was so strong I wouldn’t even say the word to the Lord.  I was ashamed to ask Him for money. 

Also as the Lord talked to me about my unhealthy relationship with money He showed me that money is just a tool.  It not only is used to provide for our family but it needs to be used as a tool to further the kingdom of God. When God puts on my heart to give to someone in need that I need to do so.  That I should always be looking for opportunities to help the poor, serve the needy, buy things, or give money to those God is putting on my heart.  That when He does give us money I need to make sure my family is taken care of but then look outward to helping others.  That is how I can use money to further God’s kingdom.  Think about the times you were in need and someone provided.  Didn’t it bring you to your knees and out of your mouth came “Thank you God!” Why because you know ultimately where the gift came from.  YOu knew that God is a provider through people, through the job through whatever.  Ultimately God is in control and if you trust Him and put Him first He will take care of everything you need.

Your relationship with money needs to be a healthy one.  It needs to be in the middle between loving money and fearing money.  You need to have the right perspective in what money really is: a tool. And who Ultimately is your provider: God.  I love the verse in Hosea where God is talking about Israel and how they thought that everyone but God was their provider but in all reality it was the Almighty giving what they needed:

She (Israel) said, ‘I will go after my lovers,
    who give me my food and my water,
    my wool and my linen, my olive oil and my drink.’
Therefore I (God) will block her path with thornbushes;
    I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
    she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say,
    ‘I will go back to my husband as at first,
    for then I was better off than now.’
She has not acknowledged that I (God) was the one
    who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil,
who lavished on her the silver and gold—– Hosea 2:5-6

We have to realize that God not Money is our provider.  We need the right perspective that money is a tool not the ultimate”source” of helping our family and others.  We need to not fear money because God is gracious and when we are temped He will give us an escape so we do not sin or go down the wrong path:

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.– 1 Corinthians 10:13 

Where are you when it comes to money do you love it, fear it, or have a healthy relationship with it.  What about other things in your life.  Is there anything you are an extremist on that you need to ask God to help balance you out?  God is a great counselor he will lead you to the right way of thinking about things.  He is also a great balancer, the Lord will help you balance your life so you are thinking and acting in healthy ways!
It’s time to seek the Lord what you need to balance out!