Growing up I had a lot of fear in my life. I was afraid of the dark, of things in my closet, of bad dreams. Mainly things at night.
This fear has kind of followed me my whole life. There would be times it was tucked away only for me to think it was gone but then certain situations would bring that fear right back to the surface, sometimes making it stronger.
Two years ago my husband and I were living in a warehouse and just before we moved out we were robbed, with us being there. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. I didn’t know if we were going to die, I didn’t know if I was going to get raped. Yet through it all God protected us. Though the cops didn’t catch everyone that was involved two men went to jail that night. That event left me marked with the spirit of fear targeting me in every waking and sleeping moment of my day.
I have struggled with horrific fear for two years now. Some times it subsides other times it comes in full force. Just recently I was home alone with my baby and dog and saw a car parked in our drive way. They had two huge dogs with them. I sat at my window watching while my dog barked like crazy and I wondered what they were up to. That car didn’t leave and the longer it stayed in the drive way the more fear crept in until my body was shaking. I started to have flash backs of the night we were robbed. As the situation progressed I called people that could maybe help me but no immediate response. After what seemed like forever two other cars pulled up and took the dogs and the first car drive away. For what I could gather the person in the first car had found the wandering dogs, called the owners and waited for them to come get them. For a week after this incident I fought and fought fear as it wanted to over take me and leave me in my bed never to get out again. The fear felt like it was going to over power me and so I fought in prayer, and asking others to pray.
Over the next couple of days after that the Lord revealed to me that in that situation with the person parked and the dogs I never asked God what to do. I never focused on Him. Instead I had all these scenarios run through my head of how to protect my family, who to call, what the person s) might do to me if they got in. A hundred thoughts but not one was on God. The Lord showed me that my whole life, when fear would come, I would let the enemy play with my mind but I would not turn my thoughts to Jesus.
let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. – Hebrews 12:1b-2 (NLT)
Yesterday and today I started to focus my thoughts on Jesus and His love for me and that he is “bigger than the boogieman” as Veggietales so wonderfully put it. The more I focused on Jesus and put my eyes on him and his love the less power fear actually had. I started to have peace again.
Though I am not completely over my fear, I am for the first time in my life on the right path. I am looking forward to seeing my oldest sister and having prayer session with her about this. And I am pushing through and crying out to God for deliverance. But at least I am on the right path. AT least now my eyes are focused on God instead of the WHAT IFs?!?
What about you? Where do you struggle in life? Have you stopped to focus your eyes and thoughts on Jesus. Have you started to speak His truth over you instead of what the enemy, the devil wants you to believe. Have you stopped listening to what other people have to say about you and started to put on repeat what the Lord says about you. We have to fix our eyes on God. We have to have our thoughts consumed with his ways and his love. Only then can we truly be free from those things that so easily entangle us.
I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.- Psalm 16:7-11 (NIV)